I’ve been watching you for the past few weeks, as you have started to build up the courage to stand on your own.
To let go of my hand.
To take your first steps.
I’ve been watching as your confidence has grown.
As you smile with excitement, with pride, as you figure out something that has been challenging you for weeks.
We both have been waiting for this day. For you to develop that little bit more independence.
BUT NOW IT IS HERE, PART OF ME WISHES IT WASN’T.
You see, I have been so excited to watch you grow.
And I am so proud of the incredible little human you are growing into. Full of love, of laughter, and of sass. I love it all.
Oh, how I love hearing your little laugh. It is just the sweetest of sounds.
I still remember how excited I was the very first time I heard it.
Ever since you were born I have been excited to celebrate your firsts.
Excited to count your first days.
To celebrate the first time you smiled.
The first time you rolled over.
The first time you said, mama.
I know right now we are celebrating you taking your first steps, but it is a sobering reminder to know that this phase of you being my baby now all but over.
UP TILL NOW, WE HAVE BEEN CELEBRATING YOUR LIFE IN MONTHS…BUT MY SWEET CHILD HERE’S THE THING, I AM NOT READY TO CELEBRATE THE YEARS JUST YET.
It feels like you are growing up way to fast.
It really is bitter-sweet.
I go constantly between wanting you to stay my little baby forever, and being excited about all of the amazing things you’ll do in this life.
I know there are so many things for us both to look forward to.
I’m looking forward to getting an uninterrupted night’s sleep.
I look forward to not having to clean up a million toys off the toy room floor or having to worry about packing a nappy bag before I leave the house.
No more nappies.
No more toilet training.
Oh and how I welcome the day I no longer have to clean up poop.
I look forward to getting a little bit more time to spend on myself. To find some hobbies.
To practice some self-care.
To discover my interests again.
And for you my sweet child, I am excited for the lifetime of firsts I know are there waiting for you to experience.
The first time you ride your bike, your first day of school, even for you to find your first love.
I am excited to see the choices you make in life.
To see what interests you will have.
To see what you path you choose to pursue.
I am excited to see the person who you become.
So as much I want you to stay my little baby forever I also really don’t.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I SOAK UP THE PRECIOUS LITTLE MOMENTS WE DO HAVE TOGETHER.
To remind myself to be present. To soak up all your firsts as they happen.
To take the photos so we can look back and see you in all your perfect littleness.
To get down on the floor and play with you when you ask.
To cherish every hug you give me.
To snuggle up in bed till you fall asleep.
I want to treasure what is right here in front of me.
I want to hold you close as I slowly learn to let you go knowing full well that the best is yet to come.
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