Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Having Kids
Are you wondering what questions to ask your partner before having kids to ensure that you are both on the same page?
Then let us help with our list of things to talk about before having a baby.
Whether you’re just thinking about having kids or you’re already pregnant it is important to discuss how you feel about different parenting topics.
Bringing a baby home is a life changing event for even the strongest relationships. Life will change forever. And it’s going to be absolutely wonderful. But with all the wonder will come a lot of challenges and obstacles.
That’s why we recommend getting on the same page with your parenting ideals and having the right conversations before baby arrives.
So, let’s get that conversation started.
Here you will find over 50 discussion questions to help prepare your relationship for baby.
These are questions to ask before having a baby, so you can discuss openly your opinions, develop your parenting strategies together, and better prepare your relationship for the arrival of a new baby.
And if you love our guide on parenting questions to ask yourself and your partner, then you’ll love these guides on how to save money on baby items, pregnancy bucket list, and best baby books for new parents. Or even our preparing for a baby checklist.
Why Is It Important To Discuss Questions With Your Partner Before Having Kids?
Simply put, a baby changes everything!
Whilst it is no doubt one of the happiest times of your life, it can also put a huge drain on a relationship, especially if you haven’t discussed how you best want to approach your new roles as parents.
You’re both going to be exhausted.
You’ll both get frustrated.
So, getting on the same page as your partner and having an action plan for when things get tough, is going to be the best investment you can make in your relationship.
What Themes Should We Keep In Mind When Using Discussion To Prepare Our Relationship For A Baby?
To help organize the 50+ questions to ask partner before baby is born included in this article, we have put together some general themes to guide you.
You may want to try tackle them all in one go, but we recommend that you take on one category of questions per week and make your own “series” out of it. Especially if you are currently expecting.
We also love the idea of creating a date night and having a discussion “theme” for the evening. In fact, these questions are great to get your conversation rolling and connect on a deeper level. You’ll find as you dive deep into a topic, you’ll also come up with more questions for each other.
Let your conversations be fluid and organic. See where these questions lead you.
Remember this isn’t an interview.
This is about bonding, discussing strategies, and preparing as a team to make your life easier once baby arrives.
Below are the discuss question themes we have come up with for things to consider before having a baby:
- Parenting Decisions
- Finances and Budget
- Becoming New Parents
- Family and In-laws
Things To Talk About Before Having A Baby
Let’s dive in and take a look at some discussion questions to ask your partner prior to having kids.
Discussion Questions About Birth
Birth is the one of the first major milestones you’ll reach when it comes to having a baby. So that seems like the most logical place to start.
Getting on the same page about labor and delivery will mean you can count on each other in the process.
Whilst your partner might not be the one giving birth, sharing your headspace on the following questions will mean that your partner can fully support you. And you’ll have a better idea of where they are at regarding the whole process too.
- Where do we want to give birth?
- Are we on the same page about the birth plan?
- Do we have a back up plan if things don’t go as planned?
- Are we taking leave prior to the birth?
- Do we need to organize childcare for siblings during labor and birth?
- What are we feeling most confident or nervous about?
- How can we better prepare for birth as a team?
- What will our roles during labor and delivery be?
- Who will attend the birth?
- What are our thoughts on announcing the birth?
- What are our thoughts on visitors in the hospital?
- What are our opinions on photography and social media posting?
Discussions To Have About Parenting Decisions
When it comes to raising a child, there are lot of topics that might leave a couple divided. By getting an idea of where you each stand on some controversial, or just tricky, decisions now, you’ll save yourself a “heat of the moment” argument.
Talking about these topics ahead of time will also allow for you both to brainstorm ways to achieve success. It might even put topics in your head that hadn’t crossed your mind as a first time parent. Awareness of these decisions now means you’ll both have time to research and make informed decisions, together.
- Is the goal of exclusive breastfeeding important to us?
- What steps can we take to make this a reality?
- Do we know who to contact if we need professional support?
- What will each of our roles be in achieving this?
- What do we know about bottle use and pacifiers?
- Do we want to commit to a certain amount of time without artificial nipples if possible?
- What are our thoughts on sleep?
- Where will our baby sleep?
- How will we manage sleep for the first few weeks while we adjust?
- Do we already have opinions on “sleep training” methods, co-sleeping, co-rooming, or baby’s sleep space?
- Does routine feel important to us?
- How do we feel about crying, comforting, etc.?
- How do we feel about typical “gender roles” in the family?
- What did the roles of mom and dad look like for each of us growing up?
- What are some things you liked about the way you were raised and what would you like to do differently as a parent?
- What roles will we play when our new baby arrives?
- How do we feel about screen time in today’s society?
- What screen time limits or expectations will we have for our little one?
- If applicable, how can we uphold these goals and be good models of acceptable screen time for our little ones?
- What family values are most important to us?
- How will we approach discipline?
- Are there routines we can put in place right from the start (or at least early on) that will make us feel good about our family’s love and bonds (e.g. family dinner)
- Are there any other non-negotiables either of us have when it comes to child-rearing or parenting?
- What religion (if any) will we teach our child?
- Whose last name will the child have?
- Will the baby be circumcised?
Discussions Surrounding Finances And Budgeting For Baby
It’s no secret that your family’s budget and spending changes when you have a baby.
You’ll likely have unpaid maternity leave that needs to be accounted for as well as the added expenses of having a baby.
You may even choose not to return to work after your maternity leave. Or look to use your maternity leave to start your own business.
So, rather than be divided over financial arguments, have these conversations while you are level-headed and rested, instead of when you’re both tired and sleep deprived.
- What is the maternity leave plan?
- How will maternity leave affect your finances as a couple?
- Will we both be able to take any time off?
- Will we both be returning to work after maternity leave?
- Is a work at home opportunity possible?
- How will our finances change once we have a baby?
- What is our budget for preparing for our baby such as setting up a nursery?
- What are our increased ongoing expenses once your baby arrives and how do we plan to budget for these?
- Can we think of some unexpected expenses before they occur?
- How can we earn additional income before the baby arrives?
- Do we have any savings in case of unexpected expenses?
- Do we need to start saving for an emergency fund?
- Is saving for our child’s future important to us?
- How might we get creative about saving at least a little bit for our baby’s future?
- Is there a way we could have family contribute in lieu of other gifts around birthdays and holidays?
Financial Reality of Childcare
- Are we aware of the cost and reality of childcare in our community?
- How will this fit into our budget, or our decision about mom staying home?
Discussions Related To Childcare
Childcare is a big decision.
Not only do you have to decide on who and where your precious baby will spend their days while you are working, but you also need to consider the additional costs of childcare.
The decision about how much to spend, and what’s important to you when it comes to your child caregiver is not a decision to take lightly. Discuss this at length with your partner and take your time visiting and researching options together.
- If both parents plan to return to work, what are your childcare options?
- If money was not in play, what would be your ideal childcare scenario?
- What childcare scenario is least appealing to you for your baby?
- What do you each see as the pros and cons related to different childcare options? Consider daycare, nanny, nanny-share, or your child being in the care of a family member.
- What will we look for in the perfect daycare facility?
- What questions will we ask a potential nanny or babysitter?
Discussing The Changes Related To Becoming New Parents
Preparing your relationship for a baby means having realistic expectations.
Life is going to change.
So, make sure to discuss how your roles as new parents may change in order to best support each other.
New Parent Roles
- What household tasks will your partner need to pick-up to support mom?
- Will we need to get additional support?
- What things can we do now to remove some household tasks from our daily routine in the beginning? (these may include stocking your freezer, schedule a cleaning service, and ordering a meal delivery service)
- What things in our lives will need to be put on hold for a while?
- What aspects of our lives will need continued attention after baby arrives? How will we make this work? (these may include pets, siblings, elderly family members, and continued commitments)
- How will we ensure we both have the personal time we need to recharge?
Questions About A Growing Family
There is a big difference between wanting one child and wanting a large family, so being on the same page about family size is a must!
- How many kids do we each want?
- What happens if we don’t get pregnant right away?
- How to we plan to have them? Is surrogacy or adoption an option?
- Do we have enough space for our future children in our current home?
- What were our experiences like growing up with or without siblings?
- What steps might we need to take to make our family size a reality, financially or simply space-wise?
Questions About Extended Family
Family can be complicated, especially when you add in the opinions and expectations of extended family members.
So, getting on the same page now about handling in-law visits, parenting advice from extended family, and expectations about frequency of visits, and so on is a great move!
- When do we want each of our sets of parents or other important family members to first meet the baby?
- Do we want any or all family to visit during our hospital stay after birth?
- How will we make sure we have equal visiting time and attention is given to each side of the family?
- If our family is local, what expectation do we want to set in terms of frequency of visits?
- Do we want any family members to stay after the birth to help provide support?
- What family members will be especially helpful or sources of support during this transition?
- If our family lives far away, how will we make sure we are seeing enough (or not too much) of our extended family once baby arrives?
- How will we handle situations where extended family is giving unwanted parenting advice or going against our decisions?
- What family members do we expect to be especially challenging to deal with?
- How can we delegate tasks or let our family’s help us during this transition in a way that is useful and not burdensome?
Discussions About Your Lifestyle
As we said before, things change when you have a baby, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all the things you love.
But, it is worth talking about what things are important to you in terms of your lifestyle and what aspects you hope to maintain.
- Do we hope to travel with our kids?
- Do we want to maintain regular date nights? How can we make this a reality?
- How do we maintain our current friendships?
- Do we want our careers to maintain high priority, or is pausing them a better choice? Are we on the same page about this?
- Do we enjoy eating out? Will this continue?
- Do we want to send our children to public or private schools? What needs to happen to make this a reality?
- Do we want to maintain our current hobbies? How do we plan to manage our time and budget to maintain these?
- Are extracurricular activities important to us or our kids?
Final Thoughts On Parenting Questions To Ask Yourself And Your Partner
When it comes to having a baby and growing your family you’re going to be faced with new challenges. Whether they are budget, parenting style, lifestyle related or something else, it is important to discuss these issues, so you know how to handle them when they arise.
We hope this guide has been helpful in helping you and your partner prepare you’re a baby.
And if you love this guide on questions to ask before having kids, make sure to check out these guides on DIY postpartum care kit, things new moms need for themselves, and baby items starting with a to z checklist.