Today was one of those hard days.
One of those days where I felt like I was failing.
Failing as a mama.
Failing as a wife.
Failing at life.
One Of Those Days Where I Just Felt So Spread Thin. Where Nothing Was Getting My Full Attention As It Should.
I didn’t play with you as much as I should have.
The house was a disaster zone.
The laundry and dishes were all piled up.
Dinner barely made it to the table.
And honestly, I just looked a mess.
It was just one of those days that no matter how hard I tried it felt like nothing got accomplished.
It Was Just One Of Those Days That I Felt Exhausted.
Exhausted from the lack of sleep.
Exhausted from the constant demands.
Exhausted from the endless worry.
Today was a long day.
Yet, then when the day was all but done, and I lay awake in bed mulling over all the things I should be doing better, you crept into my room.
You climbed up into my bed, threw your little arms around me and snuggled in.
You didn’t say anything.
You Just Hugged Me Close, Closed Your Eyes, And Went Straight To Sleep.
And as you slept, I let the tears roll down my face.
They came thick and fast.
Then I let them roll away.
And with it my insecurities.
For It Was In That Moment, That It Hit Me. I Might Be Exhausted But I Wasn’t Failing.
You see, my sweet child, being your mama is the most incredible blessing that I could ever imagine.
But you didn’t come with a manual, so I am learning as we go.
I know I make mistakes.
I know I am trying my absolute best, but sometimes I am not sure my best is good enough.
I question if I am giving you everything that you need.
But, At That Moment, With Your Little Arms Wrapped Around Me, I Knew I Was Doing Something Right.
Your little arms were telling me ‘Mama, you are my safe place.’
They told me that, at that moment, I wasn’t failing.
I was giving you exactly what you needed.
Love, comfort, and security.
I know to some it may only seem like a simple gesture.
After all, it was ‘just’ a hug.
I give them to you all day long.
But, at that moment, when I was full of self-doubt, full of worry, full of exhaustion, your hug, unbeknown to you, was the reassurance that my heart needed.
It was exactly what I needed.
So my sweet child, never hold those hugs back.
My Arms Will Always Be Open For You.
They will always be open no matter how old you grow.
So hug me whenever you need.
Hug me because you need some extra love, comfort, or security.
Hug me because even though you might not realize it, as your mama, I need that hug too.
Hug me just because.