My single friend was telling me awhile back, about how she went on a date, she was waiting for him to text her, and she was all nervous and excited.
For a moment, I found myself feeling jealous.
I missed that feeling.
That “is he going to text me back?” All of those first date jitters.
I came back home, to my kids not listening, my kitchen a mess, and my husband asking “I thought you were going to be back twenty minutes ago?”
I rolled my eyes at him, and walked to our room and sat on the bed, with laundry folded around me.
I Sat There Thinking “I Miss Those First Dates, I Miss That Feeling Of Nervousness” As I Got Up And Walked Back Out To The Living Room.
After I cleaned up the living room a little, and put our kids to bed, I looked around at the messy kitchen that had grown over the day.
I grabbed some soap, and started scrubbing.
I started to think of my friend, on her first date, and how happy she seemed.
I was jealous.
As the hot water hit the pan I was washing, I felt two arms wrap around my stomach, and pull me in.
My husband kissed my neck and said “after the place is clean, I’ll go get some snacks, and we’ll watch a movie.”
I cracked a smile and said “okay”.
After I finished the dishes, my husband returned home with my favourite snacks.
I sat down on our couch, and looked at what he had picked out for me to eat.
I Looked At Him And Said “Wow, You Know Me So Well!”
I told him before we started a movie, that I wanted to shower, as I had been busy most of the day, and I didn’t smell the greatest.
I told him to pick a movie, and that I would be back in fifteen minutes.
After my shower, I walked out, and saw that he had chosen Friends.
I looked at him and said “you don’t even watch Friends anymore, why is this on? I thought you wanted a movie?”
He looked at me and said “this show makes you laugh, and I can tell you need to laugh tonight.”
I Sat Down Beside Him, As I Ate My Favorite Junk Food, That He Picked Out, He Wrapped His Arm Around Me, As We Watched The Same Show I’ve Made Him Watch A Million Times.
As we sat there, with our kids snoring down the hall, and toys laying all over the hardwood floor, I realized I liked this feeling way better.
We have known each other for so long, that we stopped feeling those butterflies, those first date feelings.
But I realized, that’s okay.
Because those feelings get replaced with much stronger feelings.
The First Date Jitters Are Replaced With The Security Of Knowing You’re With Your Best Friend, Forever.
The butterflies of going out for dinner, are replaced with take out and messy kitchens, but also your best friend knowing you so well, that he can pick out all of your favourite snacks.
Those hours of intimacy, where it’s just you two, are replaced with your kids knocking on the door, yelling to be let in.
Those feelings do go away, or they don’t come up as often as the years go on, but sometimes, all it takes is your husband knowing your favourite food, and picking out your favourite show, for you to realize, that the love is still there.
The butterflies are still there.
So, I may not feel those first date butterflies as much anymore, but I feel a type of love I have never known.
I like this feeling way more.
This post was written by Caitlin Fladger. For more of her work, follow her on Instagram.